In 1975, Paul Simon wrote a song called “Still Crazy After All These Years.”
“I met my old lover on the street last night
She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled
And we talked about some old times, and we drank ourselves some beers
Still crazy after all these years“
As I was listening to that song, I began to wonder…how can two people live together for an extended time in a 31’ by 8’ box?
I have touched on this concept in a broad sense on several previous Dispatches, by writing things like: “We have to show patience and empathy”, or “ We have worked together toward common goals”, etc.
But it turns out the real answer is much more complex than that. In an earlier Dispatch, I mentioned an article in Cosmopolitan magazine I had read back in the 1980’s, about travel being the ultimate relationship test. I still believe in the basic concepts outlined in that article…that travel separates you from familiar comforts, conveniences, structure, and resources, and that partners will undoubtably be confronted with stress, inconvenience, unfamiliarity, and conflict. And that conquering these challenges can ultimately strengthen the relationship.
So how are we doing after being together 24/7 for nearly two months, and how will we be able to survive another month together?
Start With A Compatible Partner
The first “requirement” to surviving together in a small shared space for a long period is to ideally have a basic sense of understanding, respect, caring and compassion for the person you are traveling with. But that alone is not enough to guarantee a smooth travel experience, since unknown and unanticipated situations (like our breakdown in Burley, ID; buying a completely new RV in a distant city; or the fact that we have had to outlay lots of time and money to get the Jeep fixed in different states) will probably continue to happen and we will continue to deal with each one as it comes to avoid a trip-ending crisis. Also, it feels like the more challenges we face and overcome, the stronger our sense of resiliency. I mentioned to Kim the other day,
“My biggest fear was breaking down in some small town in the middle of nowhere. But we dealt with it pretty well. And just about everything else that we have faced after that has been minimal by comparison.”
Private Time
Almost every decision has been jointly made, so the plans (big and small) are understood by both parties. This naturally extends into decisions we make for ourselves, though, too. For example, there have been times where Kim wants to leave the campground and go for a run or to a local gym, or times where I want to take a nap instead of going to see some type off attraction or do some kind of activity. By openly communicating about our wants and needs, there is little resentment or misperceptions. There is also the understanding that as individuals, especially in such close quarters, we need some time away from each other and it is incumbent on each of of us to articulate that to the other before it’s too late.
Private Space
By extension, we have also managed to find alone time by carving out private space both inside and outside the RV. Kim took a nap in the bottom bunk (that we had been using for storage), and I watched TV from the bed above the cab (the “Crow’s Nest”).
We have also braved the mosquitos and have hung individually hung out on our gravity chairs just outside the RV. Hanging out outside, especially in the early evening, is a great way to meet folks walking around the campground with their dogs, or just seeing the sunset. These various spaces may only be about 10 or 20 feet away from the other person, but if there is an understanding that this is personal time, than the proximity doesn’t matter because each partner respects the other’s personal time and space needs.
Meet New People
We have noticed that, like some towns and neighborhoods, each campground has its own “vibe”. A good example of that is the nearby KOA we stayed at prior to coming to the campground we are currently in. Driving in and checking in at the front desk was not exactly eerie, but the charm and warmth we had felt at the KOA in Northwest Chicago was definitely not present. The lack of people outside their RV’s, even at dusk, was noticeable. Nobody was hostile or unfriendly, but the campground was worn out, the sites were far from level, and it looked as though some of the campers were permanent residents. None of this were inherently deal breakers (since we have been to some truly sketchy campgrounds in the past), but the overall feeling was kind of depressing. The green water in the swimming pool didn’t help bring cheer, either.
On the other hand, we have been at our current campground (Shipshewana Campground South) for about a week. We actually asked if we could drive through it while we were still at the nearby KOA, and we liked what we saw. The grounds were much better cared for, the location was walking/biking distance to the quaint town of Shipshewana, and we were nearer to the mechanic’s where our Jeep was getting worked on.
But mostly, it has been great to meet and talk to a wide range of folks and share stories of travel, and commiserate about breakdowns (including our friends whose 2021 rig lost an axle on the infamous Alcan Highway in Alaska!). So the location as well as the friendliness of fellow campers goes a long way to buoying one’s spirits.
Appreciate The Local Wonders
When one of our temporary friends found out we were from the Los Angeles area, she said, “It must be boring for you here.” I thought for a moment and answered, “Not at all. We are seeing things that we don’t get to see at home every minute we are here.”
At first I described things like sharing the roads with Amish buggies and bicycles, the local foods we had eaten, the beautiful bike trail we had been on, and the friendly people we had met.
But then I described how our water hose was leaking, and how I had become paranoid thinking the camp hosts would come soon to bust us. It wasn’t until I realized that just about everyone’s hoses were leaking, and more importantly, that water is not scarce here, (since we are near not only the Great Lakes, but other smaller lakes and many rivers) that I finally calmed down. I explained to her that we usually don’t get to see so much greenery at home, and that even sometimes (during extreme droughts which are all too frequent) we can be fined if our sprinklers are not compliant with water restrictions.
She was shocked and confused, since she is from in Michigan, and they normally don’t have that issue. I in turn conveyed my shock and wonder to be in a place that did not have a water issue. So basically it was fun to compare notes about things from each of our areas that we take for granted.
A couple of hours after that conversation, I did happen to bust out a wrench and fixed the dripping water at the spigot, just because I can’t stand to see water wasted even if it’s plentiful here.
Show Gratitude
The question posed by our campground friend about being bored also brought up another thought. This one centered around the fact that we were supposed to be in this area for just one or two days, but it will end up having been over a week by the time we leave. Depending on how we view it, the fact that we were waylaid can be viewed as a trap, or an opportunity. If we wanted to view this as a trap, it would be because we had no choice but to rearrange our plans and are stuck in yet another small town because of circumstances beyond our control concerning a mechanical issue.
But with a sense of gratitude in mind, we chose to think of this as an opportunity to slow down and really get to experience the surrounding areas as much as possible, especially by hiking, biking, and driving. We were able to visit the Indiana Dunes National Park (albeit, after the Federal Government shutdown, which made it extra special). We also got to experience unseasonably warm beach-like weather on the shore of Lake Michigan, and see beautiful towns on the lake that rival some of our finest beach town on the West Coast. And even driving the nearly two hours back to our campsite, we were able to listen to game 1 of the NLDS and hear the Dodgers win.
If we had looked at our situation with negative eyes, then we would not have been open to these experiences, and would have probably stayed in the RV, which would then have felt even more small and claustrophobic, and we would have no doubt gotten on each other’s nerves.
So good communication, a positive attitude, consideration, humor, and curiosity have been the attributes that have worked for us so far and that hopefully will continue to work for us as we continue north and east.